How to get what you want?

So-called demands, broken board technique, specific goals, direct expression and practice of courage are the right way to train self-confidence and less frustration in life.

Suppression of desires leads to frustration, feelings of helplessness and resentment, and people who know how to put their desires into action are generally more satisfied with their lives. For those who have trouble verbalizing and presenting their wishes to others, Forbes magazine has designed a guide with seven ways to search for what you want. Whether the problem is in your boss who has unrealistic expectations, or a friend or family member whose behavior crosses boundaries, the most important step is to determine what exactly you want, after which you move on to realization.

1. Don’t assume others are reading minds

Just regretting and whining about the environment is not the way to solve your problems. The key tool for achieving goals is confident behavior. That means fighting for our rights, without violating the rights of others. Psychologists explain how self-confident behavior takes place in three cycles, according to which it is necessary to clearly express which behavior bothers us, then explain the reason why this behavior bothers us and finally clearly express our request.

2. Specific requirements are best

In the workplace, the most common reason for unrealized expectations is that both sides have not clearly determined what is expected from whom. If you are looking for someone to do something quickly it can be interpreted in a variety of ways. While for some it will quickly mean within two hours, others can interpret it as this week. Setting time frames and concretizing the task help to achieve our goals, but also to meet other people’s expectations.

3. Clearly look for what you want

In reality, there are few people who are not afraid to ask for what they want, but they are most often respected in the workplace as well as in society because of the courage they have. Although each character is different, courage can be trained and learned, and the basic driver should be the question: what can I lose if my request does not pass ?. If the answer is nothing, a little inconvenience or just rejection, then boldly ask for what you want.

4. What do you not intend to tolerate?

The rule of life is that everyone has what they can tolerate, and requirements are a way to reduce the amount we have to tolerate. Whether you are tired of waiting for someone who is always late or prevent someone’s rude behavior and jokes, from time to time it is necessary to let it be known that we will no longer tolerate it. Even more important than that is to act in accordance with what has been said, so that the statement is taken seriously.

5. No subtleties – just direct

People who are not prone to confrontations and are afraid of quarrels, will most often use passive aggression and subtle signs that something is not right for them. The environment therefore perceives them as passive, and ignores their demands. Directness is valued no matter how unpleasant it may be.

6. No guilt

Women are more often victims of self-criticism, but it also affects men. The problem with guilt most often occurs in people who are middle or older children in the family, are more inclined to please others and are most often silent about their frustrations until they explode. In order to eliminate the guilt factor, they only need to put themselves in the situation of other people, whether, if they had such a request, it would be intrusive, rude or normal.

7. Useful techniques

A broken board is a very useful technique if the request is short and clear, and is based on repeating the request until others hear, understand and react to us. Rejecting other people’s demands is also a way of training one’s self-confidence. It is necessary to say no and briefly explain your reasons. I messages are the best ways to make requests because they are specific and direct, like: I am dissatisfied because you …

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